Time is a very hard commodity to understand. When your not where you want to be, it seems like an eternity. When your having fun and enjoying whatever, time just slips away.
Everyday without Bill, seems like a thousand years, yet 12 years pass by like a day. I have been loved and hugged by God and literally blown away by His faithfulness. His hugs have been a constant reminder that even though I am me. He still reaches out to hold my heart.
The day before Bill moved in with Jesus, he bought me pink carnations. For no reason at all. I know God put it on his heart. My Misty and Naomi had them preserved.
I always bought V8 for Bill to drink. I told him, he better know how much I love him, because I buy him V8. It's never on sale, but I bought it to keep him healthy. So V8 was kinda a thing with us since I am a cheap skate. Just after loosing him, I went into the store to price meat at the deli and see if anything was on sale. As I stood there, a woman approached the girl behind the counter and asked her where the V8 was...
At one point, about a week went by and I hadn't had any amazing hugs. I realize God's love is constant and we don't need signs to know He is there. But, it had changed my focus on the despair of loosing Bill to knowing he is safe, I miss him, and always will, but I'm so in awe of how God comes up with things I would never think of, when He reached out to me.
I missed the miracles and cried out to Him one night in prayer. I told Him I missed His hugs and how Amazing He is, in the things He came up with. God has unimaginable ways, that we can't even comprehend.
The next morning, I went to the discount bread store. As I approached the walkway, a woman had just come down the stairs. She smiled at me with a warm and lovely smile. It touched my heart so I told her "you never know how much a smile like that can mean to a stranger and that I had been through alot and her smile touched my heart." She stopped in her tracks. She looked at me in awe and asked if I was an Angel. I was taken back by that in that I am certainly no Angel. I answered her no. She said "you are an answer to my prayers." She then explained that the night before, she prayed to God and told Him she was going to try to be a better person. That she had been angry about many things and was going to try to be nicer and then she gave me a big Hug.
I said "now let me tell you something." and told her how I had cried out to God the night before, for one of His amazing Hugs and that He just did when she hugged me.
How can it be that we doubt Him, question Him, loose faith so quickly.. God answered two perfect strangers prayers at the same time. Two strangers that passed eachother's path at the exact moment in time God planned. A red light, or stop sign, any number of factors could have prevented this God ordained moment. But God is bigger and His plan is the Plan for each of us. I got my unforgettable hug. Thank you Father.